Overcoming Anxiety in Children - Eliminate and Overcome Your Child's Anxiousness

The prevalence of anxiety in children has increased significantly over the past several decades, not to mention the incidence of behavioral problems like autism spectrum disorders, ADD/ADHD and the like... but let's stay on the topic of potential anxiety disorders. Much evidence confirms this rise in childhood anxiety. There is even one report showing that hospitalized children suffering from anxiety disorders in the 1950s complain about less symptoms than most children today.

But why is this happening? What is going on and what can we do about it? Well, we can look at how much more complex the world has become and what effect this is having on developing children. There is the Internet and the culture of globalization it has nurtured. There are more chemicals within the foods we eat. There are many more outlets for escapism etc.

Whatever the cause is, what's most important is how to actually deal with the anxiety and how to distinguish it from the normal anxiety that children encounter. For example many, young children are afraid of the dark, but if this continues into later years then there might be cause for concern. Let's look at more examples of relevant behaviors to watch:

Fear of Strange Adults - This is a common behavior for infants around 6 to 10 months. However, if they continue to act like this after they're 3 or older, then it could be an issue.

Separation Anxiety - Again, this is a very common infant behavior between 6 months and 24 months. If it starts occurring after they're 4 years old, then it could be an issue.

Fear of Strange Peers - A certain shyness is quite common around ages 2 and 3, but again, afterwards it can be an issue.

Fear of Animals, Monsters, Darkness - This is common even up to 6 years old. If after this time they don't start growing out of it, it could be an issue.

Fear of School - This is common when first going to a new form of school, like preschool, kindergarten, grade 1, junior high or high school. Any of these transitions is probably going to bring about an unfamiliar environment, and it's quite normal for a child to experience anxiety but if it doesn't settle down then it could be an issue.

Fear of Evaluation - Of course, teenagers are very concerned with the question of identity. Many of them fear being judged by others. But if this doesn't start to decline as adolescence progresses, it could be an issue.

And of course all of these age ranges are approximate, subject to variation from person-to-person. But when you notice anxiety that actually interferes with your child's day-to-day life, then it's something to which you want to pay attention. If you're not quite sure how to deal with the issue, it's not out of the question to seek a mental-health professional, preferably one that specializes with children. He/she might have some ideas for potential courses of action.

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In Praise Of Strong - Willed Children

Cervantes said, "Faint heart ne'er won fair lady." As a matter of fact, a faint heart never won much of anything. But put a little determination and will into that heart, and it can shoot the moon.

What you hear, though, is that parents should prefer the faint heart, that is, the passive heart. It's promoted as the answer to their prayers.

Authors make fortunes with books bemoaning the problem of strong-willed children. They preach passive, all day, every day. Parents, they decree, need to break their children's will-or at least their willfulness.

Are these people kidding? Passive isn't wonderful. Passive is lumpy, as in "sit there like a lump." Passive hardly makes a dent in the world, let alone changes it. Passive sits by and lets life happen, whether for good or ill.

Passive is easy to ignore, easy to take advantage of and easy to exclude. If watching your child be mistaken for the wallpaper sounds good, work on the passivity level. If you like the idea of your children not speaking up when others take advantage of them, by all means, push passivity. Passive kids spend junior high crammed in their lockers, if that appeals to you.

The absolute fact is, a strong-willed child is exactly what we should want. Strong enough to fend off peer pressure. Strong enough to set good goals and work toward accomplishment. Strong enough to put off current, brief pleasures for better, long-lasting rewards.

A strong will creates a determination that grabs life by the throat and makes it happen. Channeled for good, it can make wonderful things happen.

Unchanneled, the optimism and good cheer that come from being born with the ability to make decisions can get lost. You could end up with a bully or a brat, which, while more likely with a frustrated, inadequately-parented, passive child, can happen.

Without committed parents, a strong-willed child can run amok and create all kinds of chaos. Raising these kids is bracing and a lot of fun, but it ain't easy.

The parents need to be grownups. They need to be parents who realize being a parent is different from being a buddy. Parents who accept the fact that raising kids means it's about the kids. Parents willing to do the right thing when it's not the easy thing. Parents whose lives set an example to follow. Parents who understand that strong-willed children usually don't "fit in" all that well because they are, in fact, exceptional.

All kids, but especially strong-willed children, need to know they're loved "just because." It's not about performance, although self-control and good behavior are good. It's not about being better than others, which is a calculation for losers. In fact, it's not about a lot of things. It's about raising emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy children, confident that the strong will so many people fear will give them the gumption to face life with enthusiasm and courage.

Keeping up with-or even harder, staying ahead of-the strong-willed child takes determination, creativity and energy. And humor. Lots of humor. They'll put you on your knees, in prayer or exhaustion or both. Fortunately, the prize is worth the effort.

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